Holidays While Hapless

Disclaimer! This article does not represent every group that struggles more around the Holidays. It is simply meant to bring awareness to some specific groups. 

No matter what you do or don’t celebrate, the fall-winter season is generally a time of merriness and cheer. Coffee shops release their holiday menus with peppermint and sugar cookie flavors that are sure to put you in a holly jolly mood. Wherever you drive, there are twinkling lights of green, red, and white, and life-sized Snoopy's with Santa hats to greet guests as soon as their house is in sight. It’s filled with times of good memories and family reunions (with great food) that are associated with having to put on layers of long sleeves. However, this isn’t the case for everyone.

 Everyone has things going on that you may not be aware of. From grieving the loss of a loved one to the less financially fortunate to those who struggle with their mental/physical health, it is important to acknowledge and keep in mind our peers who may not be having as much of a holly holiday. 

Those Grieving a Loved One

As commonly portrayed in many holiday movies such as Netflix’s The Christmas Chronicles, the holidays can be especially hard for those who are grieving a loved one, especially when it is the first holiday without them. 

The grief of losing someone is more than enough to make an individual feel depressed, and this results in having difficulty attending to everyday tasks. This being said, when November and December roll around, there is an added pressure to attend social events, buy and wrap gifts, decorate, etc. which can lead to an even deeper feeling of hopelessness and dejection. This paired with knowing that it’s the first holiday that one is being forced to spend with their loved one in spirit, is extremely taxing. Having to find ways to compensate for their absence is an extremely draining process. Mentally, people who experience these burdens are going through an incredibly difficult time, and it is elementary for us, their peers, to forget what they are going through. 

If you do know anyone who is going through this, there are some small steps you can take to help make the holidays a bit more bearable for them. Just keeping them company and being a listening ear can mean a lot. Sometimes they just need to talk about the person. However, if this is something someone opens up to you about, it is important to take caution in that you don’t invalidate their feelings or compare them to anyone else. Additionally, you can help them start a new holiday tradition that includes whomever they are mourning. This can be something such as lighting a candle for them, setting a plate for them at the dinner table, or hanging a representative ornament or other decoration in their honor. 

Children of Divorced Parents

If you are a child of divorced parents yourself, you have more than likely received a comment along the lines of, “Oh, you’re so lucky! I would love to have 2 birthdays, Christmases, etc.” And while sure, maybe some children of divorce do receive double the gifts for their birthday, but even that is not enough compensation for the burdens that come with it. Plus, not all youth with divorced parents have both of their parents still in the picture. 

Especially for the older children (pre-teens and teens), the Holidays may consist of having to choose between their two parents. Especially if they don’t live in the same city, most parents come to an agreement on who has the kids and when early on in their divorce. For example, every other holiday they switch parents (mom for Thanksgiving, dad for Christmas, mom for Easter, etc.). Once kids get older, however, they start to have more of a say in who they’re with. This results in parents trying to convince their kid(s) to choose them over the other, a burden and decision that is incredibly unfair. No matter what they choose, they will be hurting the feelings of someone, and while it is beyond unfair to put a child in that position, it is also really hard on the parents because they both want to celebrate with their kids. 

On another hand, some children of divorce only have one parent in the picture. The Holidays are very widely known to be a time when everyone comes together, meanwhile, these kids are having to celebrate without one of the people who literally gave them life. 

Similarly to helping those who are grieving a loved one, it is very helpful to these people if you can just listen to them. In addition, avoiding topics surrounding family, watching your responses, and taking care not to invalidate any of their statements can help any of your peers who may be children of divorce. 

Families Who Struggle Financially 

This group of people have been especially addressed around the holidays for years, however, there are still people freezing at night, kids who think Santa has something against them, and parents who are unable to provide. 

All around the nation, there are many programs that focus specifically on providing children with gifts that they otherwise would not have. Some of the most renowned programs include Toys for Tots,  The Salvation Army (Specifically the Angel Tree program), and  Samaritan's Purse. Aside from Toys for Tots, these programs also help other groups of people such as those impacted by natural disasters.

Aside from donating toys, food, or money, you can also offer your services at soup kitchens, homeless shelters, and other areas of the sort in your community. 

Military Families

Oftentimes, when someone in your family is involved in the military, they may be deployed for some time. Usually, this period spans from about 6 months to 1 whole year, but the range of possibilities spans from about 3 to 15 months. This means that there are many times families have had to spend the holidays, birthdays, and other celebrations without a deployed family member. Whether it be a parent,grandparent, brother or sister, cousin, or even a close friend, this can result in a feeling of emptiness where the presence usually is. 

Additionally, families that have multiple people in the military often end up being very spread out all around the country depending on where they may be stationed. This makes it very difficult to have large family gatherings, so families have to settle for only seeing each other once every few years. 

If this is the case for any of your friends, you may be able to help them feel less isolated by inviting them to a large friends gathering or even to your family's holiday gathering. On the other hand, if you are in a military family yourself, utilizing modern communication technology such as Facetime, Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, etc.  

Those Who Struggle With Their Mental Health (contains content related to disordered eating) 

Previously, in the first section of this article, I mentioned how those who struggle with depression may be having a harder time than usual. However, mental health goes far beyond just depression. 

Generally, the Holidays are filled with an abundance of social events; holiday parties at work or school, family gatherings, performances, etc. For people with social anxiety ( which is also usually paired with panic disorders, PTSD, OCD, depression, and personality disorders), this time of year is especially hard. There is a heightened expectation to go out and participate in social events, which is something that people who fall under this umbrella often struggle with. 

Additionally, holidays are very centered around food. This being said this time can also be incredibly difficult for those who struggle with eating disorders. It is important that we take extra caution to leave any toxic diet culture at the door in all social settings. Even if you don’t know anyone who may struggle with disordered eating, diet culture is a large contributor to people developing disordered eating. This includes any and all comments on someone's body, as well as the amount of food they are consuming. Please also avoid any mention of calories, weight, and any related things such as exercise. While to you, comments like these may have the value of a harmless joke, you never know what the people around you might be going through. 

Those Who Struggle With Their Physical Health

In addition to those who struggle with their mental health, it is also important to keep those who struggle with their physical health in consideration. Unfortunately, illness and injuries don’t stop for celebrations. In fact, most hospitals see an increase in patients during the holiday season. 

Just like mental illnesses, physical illnesses are completely out of our control, so we have to do everything we can with what is in our control. This includes visiting hospitalized loved ones, taking the time to understand what they are going through, and offering your assistance in every way possible. Furthermore, taking care to make it a point that you understand there is a limit to your loved one's abilities, and not pushing them to do things they might have to exert themself to do is also a major act of attentiveness. 

If you struggle with your physical health yourself, it is helpful if you make your boundaries clear. It is hard to accept that you aren’t as capable as everyone else, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the holidays. Making your boundaries clear and making sure you don’t overexert yourself are especially important around the holidays. You know yourself better than anyone.